Christian singles without singe: How to abstain from Sex before marriage.
We live in a time of heightened sexual perversions and many Christian singles, who are frustrated by this culture of sensuality, are beginning to ask sincere questions as they get confused and entrapped in the frustrating web of moral sins. Premarital sex seems to be the bedrock of any causal or serious relationship. It is a disturbing fact that the majority of our promising single Christians are being misled to think that sex is a social norm and proof of true love and commitment. But have you considered the increasing number of sex addicts, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancies? God loves His Christian singles dearly and He has a desire to make them great for His glory; however, many are subtly derailed from the path of destiny through experiences that initially seem pleasurable but are loaded with hidden stings.
Sex, itself, is not bad. It is part of what makes you a complete human being. It was initiated by God for our reproduction and sensual satisfaction. There is nothing abnormal about seeking sexual expressions or at times having such desires. In fact, it is a thing to worry about if you never had such feelings.
It is important to know that sex is not a thing to be done randomly or with anybody. It is the sacred solemnization of two lives and destinies, a serious spiritual commitment that must be kept sacred. This is why our Lord Jesus Christ mentioned in Mark 10:6-8: “At the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one.”
Nevertheless, you would agree with me that our world has deviated aggressively from this original arrangement of God. There are hurtful passions in vogue ruining lives, destroying trusts, breaking homes and enslaving many with mortal consequences.
Like many other single Christians, you might have been a victim too. Some of your past experiences and mistakes might have left you with enduring scars and terrible memories. Beloved, that is not the end of the road for you. You can be forgiven, healed and restored by God who says in Matthew 11:28 (KJV): “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” You don’t have to be clueless, confused and directionless in the journey of life when you can have the Holy Spirit as your Guide. He will not only give you a peaceful home, He will also make you productive and relevant in your time. It is therefore, too early to give up and accept defeat when the Lord has promised you victory at the end.
But perhaps, you have not had unhealthy sexual experiences so far. You are Christian and single and are hoping that one day, you might find the right person to have a happy future together with and to fill the emotional void with. That is a beautiful dream, but have you considered the reasons why you should avoid premarital sex? And for Christian singles that have been sexually active, do you really know why you must be intentional about stopping this behavior immediately? I have listed some of the reasons below:
1. IT IS A SIN.
God has not approved sex before or outside marriage. As a child of God, God wants you to keep yourself undefiled for His glory. There is an adage about not jumping over a fenced wall for there might be a cliff just on the other side. God knows the dangers of premarital sex and in our best interest, He has commanded us to flee from all forms of sexual immoralities (1 Corinthians 6:18). Besides, your body is the temple of the living God. You carry the divine presence of the Most High and you can be sure the Holy Spirit would not be comfortable if you misuse and sexually abuse your body. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:3: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
2. PREMARITAL SEX WEAKENS MARITAL FOUNDATIONS.
There is a foundation upon which all marital relationships are built. The success or failure of a marriage union is determined by the kind of foundation laid. We read in Psalm 11:3 that if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do. Premarital sex causes doubt, fears, anxiety and suspicion in single Christians. Relationships that are sustained by sex often crash before or during marriage. It doesn’t stand the test of time because it is built on a sandy foundation. No wonder Apostle Paul wrote in Hebrews 13:4 that “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.”
3. CHRISTIAN SINGLES AND SPIRITUAL IMMATURITY.
Immorality hampers spiritual maturity and leaves Single Christians with the a sense of guilt, shame and self condemnation. It obscures you from seeing yourself through the lens of God’s approval and damages your confidence before God. It has its way of enslaving the mind and making you unresponsive to the dealings of the Holy Spirit. At the extreme end, you might become addicted and frustrated. This is why the Galatians 5:16-17 says: “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lust against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” Sexual sins quench the Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19).
4. UNWANTED PREGNANCY AND ABORTION.
Premarital sex is also not without physical consequences. It can lead to unwanted pregnancy. Are you ready to become a father or mother? If you are, prayerfully consider getting married. If not, then there is no need bringing an innocent child into this world. This might eventually lead you to abortion. This is the time to get your priorities right and allow God to help you to remain focused on things that really matter.
5. SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.
Another physical effect of premarital sex is exposure of Christian singles to terrible diseases, some of which have no cure. Sex is pleasurable and healthy only within its appropriate context of marriage. Otherwise, you are risking a lifetime stigma that could lead to emotional distress and psychological trauma. 1 Corinthians 6:18 makes it clear that any sin that involves the abuse of your body such as fornication defiles it. In other words, it means it destroys your body, which is exactly what sexually transmittable diseases do.
6. LOW SELF ESTEEM.
As a single Christian, be informed that inordinate affections such as fornication, masturbation and pornography can ruin your self esteem and prevent you from having a proper relationship. It is natural to seek cover and hide when you do something you are not proud of. It leads to a life of continuous fear and anxiety. It is indeed a trap that should be avoided with all caution.
Here are some of the things that Christian singles can do to either stop or prevent premarital sex:
1. TURN TO GOD.
The very first step to overcoming sexual temptations is by turning to God. You need to ask God to forgive you, heal your emotional wounds and empower you to say “NO” to further temptations. Proverbs 3:5-8 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It shall be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.” There is no one lost that the mercies of God cannot find. He can wash the vilest sinner clean and restore the most addicted to soundness of mind. Your strength would fail but the power of God is available and accessible for your victory.
2. SELF CONTROL.
No one is above temptations. Don’t forget that even Jesus Christ our Lord was tempted in the wilderness by the devil. Temptation is inevitable but overcoming it is very possible. As the Lord helps you, you must be ready and willing to say NO to sin. Apostle Paul pointed out in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that God would not allow you to be tempted above your capacity. In other words, every time you are confronted with compromising situations, God has already provided an escape route for you. You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). It is written in Proverbs 16:32 that “better a patient person than a warrior, one with sell-control than one who takes a city.”
3. SET LIMITATIONS.
Set boundaries and limitations for yourself. Even if you are in a relationship with someone you intend marrying, avoid hanging out in secluded places and at odd hours. You should spend the night at other Christian singles’ place. You can delay kissing, sensitive hugs and other sensual communications untill marriage. This is not to place you under any legal bondage, or obligation rather, it is to help you from making costly mistakes that you might end up regretting later. That many singles in society have premarital sex, does not justify it for you as Christian singles dedicated to God. Romans 12:2 (NLT) puts it this way: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”
4. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.
Get busy adding value to your life. God wants to see you as Christian singles developing spiritually and physically. You must be deliberate about enlarging your capacities as an individual. There are so many things you can do to develop yourself. Single Christians should cultivate a devotional life and study the word of God, get additional skills, degrees etc. It might even be as simple as taking swimming lessons or learning how to dance.
5.PREVENT LUSTFUL THOUGHTS.
Do not underestimate the power of your thoughts. There is a way your life leans towards the direction of what you constantly think of. If you allow yourself to dwell on lustful things, it will gradually become your reality. Colossians 3:2 instructs us to set our minds on things above. We are also counseled in Philippians 4:8 thus:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
You become what you think. From this moment on, keep a check on your heart and check and scrutinize passing thoughts so as to retain the good ones only.
"For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality"
Dear single Christian, God has not abandoned you to roam aimlessly and frustratingly in the labyrinth of sin and sexual impurity. He understands your every struggle and He sees your sincere helplessness. He knows how much you desire to be free and He is not condemning you for your failures. A harlot was brought to Jesus to be stoned to death. Everyone had their stones ready and at the command of the Master, they would crush her to death. But Jesus simply revealed to them their own filthiness and with so much love in His eyes, He turned to the accused lady and said “Go and sin no more.” God is not waiting to condemn you like the world will. He is waiting with His arms stretched out to embrace you in the warmth of His love and keep you from further defeat. He says in Isaiah 1:18: “Come now, let us settle the matter…Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
God has a plan for you; He wants to keep you healthy and happy as a single Christian and prepare you for a wonderful marriage. Would you allow Him? He wants to forgive you, heal your scars, and guide you in making the right choices from this moment on, would you let Him? Why not turn to God and acknowledge your need for His help and mercy on this journey. You should bow your head in prayer and say:
It is your will for me to find sexual satisfaction only within the context of marriage. But I need your help to keep myself for the fulfillment of this promise. Give me the strength to follow you with purity. Help me to be obedient to the Holy Spirit when I am tempted to sin. Empower me to say no to sin and ungodliness. From now henceforth, make my life a living testimony of your forgiveness, healing and redemption. Thank you for sending gracious answers to my prayer. In Jesus name I have prayed, amen.
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